Questions & Answers
[EGW
editors preface: One of our readers emailed me asking if
she could ask a question concerning her mother and divorce. My
answer was that of course she could ask any bible-related questions
she wanted to ask, and I promised that if I was able to answer
them, my answer would be based upon the Scriptures. She
then gave me her question. I was not able to provide the
yes-or-no answer she requested, but I did provide her some useful
Scripture-based suggestions to consider. Possibly you are
connected with a similar situation in your life and are experiencing
similar concerns. In that case, I hope you find this article
useful and motivating.
(As with any question concerning
what we hope to learn from the Bible, we must always strive to
apply good hermeneutics and to let the Bible interpret itself.
For more tips on good Bible-reading skills, click
the subjects Hermeneutics
and Bible
study)]
A readers
question about her mother and divorce
by David Churchill
A reminder to our readers Bible-based questions from our
readers are always welcome. You may be struggling with
questions and issues that the other contributing authors and
I have already studied and discovered Gods solutions. I
dont claim we have all the answers, but I do promise that
our answers will be based solidly upon the Scriptures.
I may use your question and my
answer in the websites Q & A column, but your name
and contact information will not be included. (See our
other Q&A articles as examples of this.)
Hebrews
11:6 tells us that God is a rewarder of those who seek Him. 2
Timothy 3:16-17 tells us that the Scriptures are profitable for
teaching, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness
so that we may be adequate, equipped for every good work. Psalm
1:1-6 tells us that the Lord knows the way of the righteous.
These are good and encouraging things to keep in mind while
we study the Bible learning from God how to do what is right.
Please keep in mind that exploring
Gods written word can lead to unexpected, sometimes even
uncomfortable, discoveries. In Matthew chapter 19 and Mark
chapter 10, some Pharisees came asking Jesus questions about
divorce
and He gave them answers they had trouble accepting.
My point is that Gods written
word doesnt always tell us what we want to
hear, but it does tell us what we need to know.
Here is the condensed version of
the question and general background information this particular
reader provided me
This is important and
concerning to me because I owe my mother a lot. My mother
raised me by herself until I was 17 years old. The reason
my mother raised me alone was because she got divorced a few
months after I was born. She married my biological father
when she was 18 and I was born about a year into the marriage.
She divorced him that same year at age 19, after frequent
heavy and eventually life-threatening abuse. She left to
protect both herself and me.
She worked hard after that to give
me a strong education and make sure I was taken care of
often working two jobs and going to bed hungry herself to ensure
I got complete meals. Just a few years ago, she married
a second time. He was several years younger, but she loved
him very much and she realized he could help me into a college
education. She passed away in her sleep this past year.
Im worried about her given
some of the things that Ive seen about remarrying after
divorce being adultery and the fact that she died in her sleep
in her 2nd marriage. Im worried that she died in
adultery and that it was in part for me.
Did she die in adultery?
To start with, thank you for your
courage in asking your question and for your appreciation of
all the positive things & direction your mother strove to
provide you.
Theres a Greek verb translated
as judge that has the sense of examining, investigating,
questioning, sifting the evidence as the apostle Paul mentions
in 1 Corinthians 2:14-15 and as Jesus describes in Matthew chapter
7:3-6. God does expect us to judge in that sense of to
examine and I think youre showing the right attitude by
examining lifes situations in light of what youre
learning from Gods written word. This is the same
attitude Paul teaches in 2 Timothy 3:16-17, All Scripture is inspired
by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction,
for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may
be adequate, equipped for every good work.
Another Greek verb translated as
judge has the sense of distinguishing and discerning
the facts of a matter. This word is used by Jesus in Matt.
16:3, by Paul in 1 Cor. 6:5, and the writer in Hebrews 5:13-14.
God also expects us to judge in that sense of to discern.
Youve discerned and understand the fact that your
mother loved you very much and that she sacrificed much so you
could have what you genuinely needed most. I feel thats
what she would tell you today if she were permitted
that
she loves you and still wants you to have what you genuinely
need most.
I
promised you that if I could answer your question, that answer
would be solidly based upon the Scriptures. You then explained
what you know of your mothers situation and asked me if
your mother died in adultery while married to her second husband.
I dont have that Yes-or-No answer to give you, but
heres what I can tell you.
1. I lack sufficient first-hand
information to make a for-certain discernment myself.
a. For example, was your
mothers first marriage also her husbands first marriage?
If not, possibly it was not even a covenant marriage as
defined by the Scriptures and not acceptable to God, so she would
still have been free to marry.
b. If her first marriage
was a covenant marriage acceptable in Gods sight, was adultery
involved on the husbands part? Being an abuser, there
is a good chance he was also unfaithful to your mother, which
would make her divorce from him valid according to Scripture,
as long as your mother had been faithful to him.
c. IF her first marriage
ended on Scriptural grounds, then was her second husband ever
married before? If not, then no problem. If yes,
then what was the condition of his earlier marriage & divorce?
My past experience and observations
have been this Its extremely difficult getting accurate
answers to these sorts of questions even when talking to the
people directly involved if time, fear, and/or pride have affected
their memories. Its almost impossible when years
afterward talking with those were only indirectly involved or
indirectly present.
d. A more important priority
to consider is what was your mothers relationship with
Jesus
i.e. was she seeking to please God, had she obeyed
the gospel according to the New Testament? Our societys
criteria of what God accepts often ignores Gods criteria.
Marriage, divorce, and remarriage are three examples. How
a person becomes a Christian and what God expects from that person
as a Christian are two other examples (2 Timothy 2:19).
Whose criteria did she prefer to learn and apply? Romans
8:28 tells us that, God causes all things to work together
for good to those who love God, to those who are called according
(in other words,
attracted and motivated by) His purpose.
(NASB) Hebrews 11:6 tells us, But without faith it
is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must
believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently
seek Him. (NKJV)
2.
Which reminds us
its Gods place, not
mine or yours, to judge people for salvation or condemnation.
In Matthew 7:1-2 Jesus tells us,
Do
not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way
you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure,
it will be measured to you.
(NASB) The Greek verb He uses here for judge
has the sense of separating out to condemn
like from the
vegetable harvest separating out the rejects to discard them.
And so we understand Jesus here is cautioning us to not
take it upon ourselves to condemn others, to choose who is going
to hell or heaven, because there will be consequences if we do.
Do
not (condemn) so that you will not
be (condemned). For in the way
you (condemn), you will be (condemned); and by your standard of measure, it
will be measured to you.
Jesus uses this same Greek verb
of judge-condemn in John 12:46-50 as He explains what will actually
judge-condemn people at the final judgement. I have come as Light
into the world, so that everyone who believes in Me will not
remain in darkness.
If anyone hears My sayings and does not keep them, I do
not (condemn) him; for I did not come
to (condemn) the world, but to save
the world. He who rejects Me and does not receive My sayings,
has one who (condemns) him; the word I spoke
is what will (condemn) him at the last day.
For I did not speak on My own initiative, but the Father
Himself who sent Me has given Me a commandment as to what to
say and what to speak. I know that His commandment is eternal
life; therefore the things I speak, I speak just as the Father
has told Me.
(NASB) Essentially, at the last day, if Gods
condemnation is applied to someone, Jesus says it would be because
of that persons unbelief, not listening, not keeping /
obeying, rejection, and unacceptance of Jesus sayings,
words, and commandments as recorded in the Bible
which
do include His instructions about marriage, divorce, and remarriage.
We also see here Jesus motivation
His desire
to help us and rescue us from condemnation.
In all cases, ultimately salvation
is up to God. He has revealed His will through His written
word and that word is the standard He applies in the final judgment.
It means that, through the Bible, He has told us how to
become reconciled to Him and how to stay reconciled with Him.
We can pursue, obtain, and enjoy salvation for ourselves
(see Matt. 4:4; Luke 6:46-49; John 20:30-31;Romans 10:6-17).
We can warn and encourage those still living to choose
and accept Gods salvation (see Matt. 28:19-20; Mark
16:15-16; Acts 2:37-42; Corinthians 5:9-12, 17-21) and we
can even discern it impacting their lives enough for us to recognize
it (see Colossians 1:2-12), but we cannot decide or choose
it for them. Nor can we decide or choose it for the deceased.
3.
Since we cannot impact or change any deceased persons
condition towards God, we should avoid worrying or dwelling on
it. (A related Q&A article explaining that thought
is What
is the meaning of baptized for the dead in 1 Cor.
15:29?)
In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus tells
us we shouldnt worry about the things we cannot change
or even about the things we need and He urges us to be trusting
God instead. In verses 33-34 we read, But seek first His kingdom
and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to
you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will
care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (NASB)
The apostle Peter explains it this
way in 1 Peter 5:6-7, Therefore
humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He
may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety
on Him, because He cares for you.
(NASB) This doesnt mean we have no responsibilities
towards our families & households and God & His church
to fulfill, but we fulfill them by acting and not by worrying
(Galatians 6:6-10; 2 Thessalonians 3:10-13; 1 Timothy 3:15,
5:8). And, according to Paul in 2 Timothy 2:19, we
can trust God to be fair, Nevertheless, the firm foundation of
God stands, having this seal, The Lord knows those who
are His, and, Everyone who names the name
of the Lord is to abstain from wickedness.
4.
If the deceased were permitted to talk to the living today,
what sort of advice would your mother give you?
Well, we know Jesus is in heaven
at the right hand of God (see Mark 16:19; Luke 22:69; Acts
2:33; Acts 5:31; Acts 7:55-56; Romans 31-39; Colossians 3:1;
Hebrews 12:1-3; 1 Peter 3:15-22). And we have a good
idea as to the advice He would give you (see John 12:44-50;
John 3:16-21; Matthew 6:33-34).
If your mother is now in the presence
of Jesus, she would urge you to follow His advice because she
knows He wants whats best for you. She knows the
thing you need most is to be diligently seeking God according
to His written word so you can have the best reward possible
living with Jesus now in your life (Matt. 13:44-46; John 15:1-11;
1 John 3:18-24) and eventually being in His presence with
God (Rom. 8:28; Heb. 11:6; Matt. 5:31-46; Rom. 6:22-23).
If I understand correctly Jesus
account of the rich man and Lazarus in Luke 16:19-31, and if
the rich man is representative of those deceased now in torment,
then we should discern that none of them want any of the people
they cared about to be there in torment with them.
I never knew your mother personally,
but I do know from the Scriptures the gist of what she would
advise you now if she were permitted. Loved ones in
paradise would encourage the living to diligently seek God now
before its too late. Loved ones in torment would
encourage the living to diligently seek God now before its
too late.
Almost all of us know friends or
family members, or even we ourselves, who are living or had lived
in society-acceptable remarriages. Some, if not most, of
these relationships are unacceptable, are even condemnable, by
God. Certainly considering any genuine solution will be
emotion-stirring and thought-provoking. If you havent
already, I suggest you read our serial article Exploring Gods Word for answers to the Marriage,
Divorce, Remarriage dilemma. (You may
download
a PDF copy of the entire article here.)
As part of its exploration and
discussion of the relevant Bible passages it also addresses several
of the thoughts and emotions Ive noticed people tend to
experience and express.
In
your knowing how much your mother loved you and did many things
(whether in part or in whole) to provide you what you
needed, you might be tempted to feel like some of that was your
fault. I dont feel you should think that way. Admittedly,
as people interact, each person provides some influence to the
others and responds in one way or another to the influence from
those others. Like your mothers training influenced
your character and your mothers love responded to your
needs
all part of good parenting. But I do want to
point you towards something else to consider.
Earlier we looked briefly in the
New Testament at how God judges in terms of His method
Jesus in John 12:44-50 tells us that, essentially, God uses the
words of Jesus to examine a persons life and then judges
accordingly. Now I want us to look briefly in the Old Testament
at how God judges in terms of His attitude and character.
Colossians
2:8-14 tells us that Jesus ended the law of the Old Testament
by nailing it to the cross and thats why we strive now
to live according to the words of Jesus instead of the Old Testament.
But Romans 15:4 also tells us that what was written in
the Old Testament was written for our instruction, so that through
perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might
have hope.
In Ezekiel chapter 18, God reveals
several things about Himself as He explains how He judges people.
We learn that:
(1)
He rewards the righteous as being righteous
and the wicked as being wicked
(as we pointed out from
2 Timothy 2:19, He doesnt get confused about that sort
of thing). vs.
5-18
(2)
He doesnt hold parents accountable
for the sins of their children and He doesnt hold children
accountable for the sins of their parents.
vs. 4, 17-20
(3)
He rewards as being righteous those who
turn away from doing whats wrong towards doing whats
right. vs. 21-22,
27-28
(4)
He rewards as being wicked those who
turn away from doing right towards doing whats wrong. vs. 24, 26
(5)
He knows for Himself that this way He
judges is very fair, even though some people are complaining
that He is unfair.
vs. 19, 25, 29
(6)
He rewards spiritual life or spiritual
death to each person according his or her own conduct. vs. 30
(7)
He urges each person to repent from doing
wrong so he or she can avoid being judged as wicked. vs. 30-31
(8)
He has no pleasure in the death of anyone
who spiritually dies, so He wants everyone to repent and spiritually
live. vs. 23,
31-32
Please understand Hes talking
about rewarding spiritual life or death based upon
a persons obedience to God during physical
life. Otherwise, how could a person dead in his sins
repent and live? Jesus uses the same distinction
in John 11: 25-26 when He says, he who believes in Me will live (dgc: spiritually) even if he dies (dgc:
physically),
and everyone who lives (dgc:
physically)
and believes in Me will never die (dgc:
spiritually).
In Ezekiel chapter 33:1-20, God
states again several of these same thoughts, but He also puts
additional urgency into explaining about how He requires the
righteous to warn those doing wrong to repent. He
does not hold the righteous accountable for what the
wicked do, but He does hold them accountable for
not warning the wicked as He instructed. This urgency comes
from Gods passionate attitude. He will judge and
punish the wicked, each on his or her own conduct, but He really
genuinely prefers that they repent so He doesnt have to
punish them.
My
point? Two qualities of Gods character are that (1)
He prefers to be lenient and yet (2) He is
always fair in how He judges each person. How God
will judge your mother in the last day is no longer our affair.
We cant impact it and God will not hold us responsible
for the good, bad, or questionable choices she made. God
will hold you and me accountable only for what you and I choose
to do.
The apostle Paul tells Christians
in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to examine themselves to see if they are
in the faith
to see that they are in Christ. Romans
10:17 tell us that faith in Christ comes hearing the word of
Christ. Test yourself for yourself. Are you trying
to remove from your life whatever Jesus words spell out
is wrong? Are you wanting and trying to do what Jesus spelled
out is right? Are you diligently desiring and searching
to know and apply those words of Jesus that God graciously gives
you through the Bible allowing you to know His will? Are
you repenting from the wrongs and mistakes you made against God?
Are you in Christ
have you followed His instructions
for entering into Christ and are you living faithfully in Him?
Are you joyous and thankful towards God whenever you realize
you are doing whats right according to Jesus words?
Are you warning those erring towards God that they should
repent and seek God? Are you encouraging those spiritually
alive in Christ to continue seeking to please God?
The past is out of our control.
Any cares and concerns we have about the past we must leave
in Gods hands as we allow Him to help us correct the courses
of our own futures. Your responsibility and my responsibility
are to stay on His course by diligently seeking God trusting
Him to be fair with His promised rewards (Hebrews 11:6).
As Paul neared the time of his
foreseeable execution, he tells us through his second letter
to Timothy what he expected and trusted of God, For I am already being
poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure
has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished
the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is
laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord,
the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not
only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing. (4:6-8) |