[printable PDF of Covenant Marriage and Scriptural Divorce]

      In any discussion about marriage it is important to establish what is an acceptable marriage in God’s sight and therefore what God will “join together” (Matthew 19:6).  These marriages are referred to as being “by covenant” (Malachi 2:14).  Therefore, I will refer to them as a covenant marriage, all other marriages are some type of fornication marriage.
     Covenant marriages involve one man and one woman.  In order for this man and woman to enter a covenant marriage they both have to meet certain criteria.  Basically this divides into three parts.  Number one they have never been in a covenant marriage.  Number two, they have been in a covenant marriage, but it ended by the death of their spouse (Romans 7:2-3).  And number three, they have been in a covenant marriage and their spouse committed adultery, which resulted in a divorce. Then the innocent party is free enter another covenant marriage.  This third point is the one we are going to look at in this writing.

     In Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9, Jesus lays down a teaching concerning divorce, and in particular divorce with a subsequent remarriage.  Jesus gives only one allowance where the remarriage is not an adulterous relationship and that is for the cause of “unchastity” NASB (New American Standard Bible) in Matthew 5:32 or “immorality” NASB in Matthew 19:9 or “fornication” KJV in both verses.
     The word used in the Koiné Greek in both places is porneia, which is described as fornication, sexual immorality, sexual sin of a general kind, that includes many different behaviors.  A divorce from a covenant marriage, based on porneia, we will refer to as a Scriptural divorce, a divorce from a covenant marriage for any other reason would be unScriptural.  A few of the places porneia is used are Matthew 5:32; 15:19; 19:9; Mark 7:21; John 8:41; Acts 15:20; 1 Corinthians 6:18; 7:2; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Ephesians 5:3; and 1 Thessalonians 4:3.

     A special consideration of Matthew 5:27-28.  Jesus is giving some new teaching in areas here in what we call the Sermon on the Mount.  Basically He is showing how the New Testament teaching is an expansion and elevation of the Old Testament teaching.
     Matthew 5: 27-28 says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”  The Koiné Greek used here is moicheuo and is translated as adultery by both the NASB and KJV.  This word refers to a covenant married spouse having sexual intercourse with someone other than their covenant spouse.
     Moicheuo is one type of porneia, while porneia is a broad word covering any type of sexual activity outside of a covenant marriage, moicheuo is confined to sexual activity with some one or something other than a covenant spouse.  The question sometimes brought up is:  Does looking with lust give grounds for a Scriptural divorce?

     First off we need to note that this looking with lust at this stage is just that “looking,” and it is still just adultery “in the heart.”  This has not been carried out into physical adultery.  We might refer to this still as a temptation. But Jesus is pointing out that if we keep looking (it is in the present active) then soon it will not just be a heart thought but will mature into actual sin.
     James writes of this in James 1:14-15, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.  Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.”  The key is to take these thoughts captive, as we should all thoughts contrary to God’s will (2 Corinthians 10:5).  So as long as we stop it while it is still in the heart, this is not grounds for a Scriptural divorce.

     Another way to look at this is to back up a few of verses in Matthew 5:21ff.  Murder makes you liable to the court, but Jesus says being angry makes you liable.  Now I would much rather have you angry at me than to murder me.  Anger is a thought process, murder is a physical action.  We don’t haul someone into court just because they are angry at someone, but we do for murder.  Again the thought is only a temptation, then we have a choice.  We can take it captive and control it.  Or we can dwell on it and allow it to mature into sin.

     The heart of the issue we are looking at in Matthew 5:32 and Matthew 19:9, is the cause Jesus gives that allows for a Scriptural divorce and therefore the allowance by God to enter another covenant marriage.  This cause is porneia by their covenant spouse. Porneia is one of the reasons to enter a covenant marriage.  Now don’t take that wrong, it is to avoid porneia that one enters a covenant marriage.
     Look at 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.  But because of immoralities (porneia), let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.  Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again lest Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
     Paul is teaching that if you cannot control your desires then you need to enter into a covenant marriage (remember those who can do this as we looked at earlier).  Note also that it is the man’s duty to fulfill his wife’s sexual needs and the wife’s duty to fulfill the husband’s sexual needs.  Also note that the authority over ones body belongs to their spouse.  So the covenant wife doesn’t have the authority to give herself to a person other than her covenant husband, nor does the covenant husband have the authority to give himself to a person other than his covenant wife.

     The question is sometimes raised:  What if spouse A withholds sexual intimacy and spouse B eventually seeks sexual intimacy outside of the marriage covenant, is spouse A free to divorce and enter another covenant marriage?  In such a case spouse A is not innocent because they have not fulfilled their part of the marriage covenant.
     If this case did free a person from their covenant marriage, then it simply becomes a waiting game.  Who can hold out the longest?  Using sin (withholding one’s marital duty) to produce sin (porneia), never accomplishes the will of God.  It doesn’t matter if this withholding is within a covenant marriage or after an unScriptural divorce.

     Another point that has been brought up in the original discussion that this goes with is:  What if the wife is being beaten, what should she do? Well she has a couple of options. She can remain and continue to be beaten, not a good option but an option none the less.  This man is not loving his wife the way Christ loves His church (Ephesians 5:25).  But the Lord did not give this as an option for divorcing and remarrying.
     Paul does reveal another option though in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, let her remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not send his wife away.”  The other option that the beaten wife has is to leave her husband, but again this does not free her to enter another covenant marriage.  If she leaves, her choices are to remain unmarried or to reconcile with her husband.

     Those seeking ways to get around what God has said can come up with a hundred other “what ifs,” but the fact remains the only cause that God accepts to end a covenant marriage and to be able to enter another covenant marriage is to be the innocent spouse whose spouse committed adultery.

[printable PDF of Covenant Marriage and Scriptural Divorce]