[EGW editor's August 2014 preface… Ten years ago when I had first received this question I was inclined to ignore it due to the sensitive nature of the topic and because the common-sense answer seemed obvioius. However, as the apostle Paul reminds us, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)  Keeping this in mind, then and now, I considered that any honest question from any person seeking to understand and do what’s right deserves an honest answer based upon Scripture.  However it was recently pointed out to me a difficulty with the article’s presentation. Some people, hindered by the indepth pace of the article, were mis-anticipating what encouragement I was trying to offer the reader.  “To the pure all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled.  They profess to know God, but in works they deny Him, being abominable, disobedient, and disqualified for every good work.” (Titus 1:15-16)  To address this difficulty I have added a brief summary to begin the article followed by the indepth study.]
     [EGW editor's original 2004 preface:  An email from one of our readers asked this article’s title question.  The reader also expressed a need for a biblical answer.  As with any question concerning what we hope to learn from the Bible, we must always strive to apply good hermeneutics and to let the Bible interpret itself.
     (For more tips on good Bible-reading skills, click the subjects Hermeneutics and Bible study)]

The short answer: Yes, if neither person is hindered or offended by doing so.   Why?
     Generally speaking, it seems in the Scriptures that sexual intercourse & manual sex is unquestionably ok between a husband and wife.  The New Testament commands for married couples to mutually demonstrate sexual and physical affection could easily allow for oral sex.  And the one book in the Bible with a main theme of sexuality in marriage does have several poetic and figurative examples describing and/or pointing to all three of these.
     The Lord has plainly instructed Christian couples to cultivate certain attitudes toward each partner in order to maintain healthy marriages.  Personal or practical objections to oral sex could easily hinder doing this.  For this reason, many couples might chose to avoid it as they express their physical affections.
     Violation of conscience is one special reason why some particular couples must avoid such if they would not sin against themselves, their spouses, and Christ.
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The indepth answer:

• Before we get started:
     
     First of all, please allow me to congratulate this parent and all you parents who have cultivated your families and earned enough respect in your households that your children feel they can honestly ask you tough questions about marriage and life.  It’s quite a compliment to you that your children trust you this way. You should be very proud of them about this trust they give you.
     Before we examine some Bible passages, we need to establish a foundational context for our discussion.  If you keep that context in mind, I’ll be able to keep focused on the search for our answers.
     1.  The Exploring God's Word library is here to encourage and to help people in studying their Bibles more often and more accurately.  God's instructions for people involve all areas of their lives – even in sexual relations.
     2.  I recognize this subject is uncomfortable for many people, but a reader has asked a legitimate question that deserves an honest and thoughtful answer.  We are aiming to explore and understand some passages of the Scriptures that apply to this question.  We are NOT trying to define or discuss techniques.  We are NOT trying to prescribe any personal preferences.  We ARE simply trying to objectively consider available Biblical facts to discover what personal liberties and restrictions Christians have concerning this subject.
     3. To keep this article more family-friendly for any content filters on your internet browser, I’ll be using these abbreviations:  CS = coital;  MS = manual;  OS = oral;  AS = anal;  SS = sex.  The abbreviations may make reading harder for some of you, but I believe they will allow more people to appropriately access the article.
     4.  The proper domain for SS, that God created and called “good” and “very good” in Genesis 1 & 2, is between a man and a woman in a husband-wife relationship; i.e. God created marriage.  Therefore, SS outside of this marriage relationship is wrong;  this includes adultery¹ & fornication.  Our attention here is within that marriage relationship.  Our reader’s question specifically dealt with OS, so we will aim to address OS in particular while being alert to any references about MS and AS.  By default, we already know CS inside marriage is ok – that’s the God-designed method people use to reproduce.
     5.  God states things as they are – objective facts.  Not all behavior recorded in the Bible is sanctioned (i.e. approved) by God — for example, Abraham lying about Sarah and Joab killing Absalom.  Not all behavior sanctioned by God is extremely detailed in the Bible.  For example, in Matt. 28:18-20, Jesus commands all Christians to “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, ... teaching them to observe all things I have commanded you; ... .”  On one hand, His command “Go” allows us to choose how we go (by boat, plane, foot, horseback, and any other means not specifically restricted elsewhere in the New Testament) and somewhat where we go, but does not allow us to choose if we go.  On the other hand, His command “teaching them” very briefly and very clearly describes what is to be taught, but does not allow us to choose teaching more or less than that or even to refuse teaching what he commanded.
     6.  As Christians we are obligated to God’s instructions as a higher standard than our culture or civil laws.  Wherever our cultural customs and civil laws are acceptable to God (i.e. permitted within His commands), He instructs to us to abide by them.  Wherever they are not, He expects us to refuse them.  Either way, He expects Christians to abide by His instructions.  Applying this expectation to marriage and SS-uality in marriage, the privileges we exercise should be guided by what God approves and accepts, and not dictated by how other people sinfully seek those same privileges outside of marriage.
     
• Digging in the Scriptures:

     In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul writes that if unmarried people have trouble abstaining from SS, they should get married.  “It is good for a man not to touch a woman,” we read in verse one.  “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality,” verse two continues, “let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.  Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.  And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”  Paul then goes on to encourage that a husband and wife do not deprive each other of SS except for certain reasons for a limited time, and then they should resume their SS-ual activity.  Do these instructions explicitly require or involve MS, OS, or AS?  No.  Do these instructions explicitly exclude using MS, OS, or AS to “render ... the affection due”?  Again, no.  The emphasis is that the man and woman have an obligation to give each other physical affection.  The only qualifiers given here are 1) that this affection is to satisfy each other’s SS-ual desires; and 2) that each guides the other as to what is satisfying.

     The Old Testament book called “The Song of Solomon” (or “Song of Songs” depending upon your translation) has a general theme that a married couple should SS-ually desire and enjoy each other.  The poetic language passionately describes the various beauties of a woman’s physical body and how her husband longs to gaze upon & to touch those beauties.  Likewise, several features of the man & his body are colorfully described as attractive to his wife and she longs to intimately embrace those features.  Look for yourself in your own Bible at these examples — 1:2,12-14; 2:14,17; 4:1-6,10-16; 5:1,10-16; 6:2-3; 7:1-13; 8:14.  Remember this book was divinely inspired by the Creator of human sexuality.  God’s intent is for husbands and wives to desire each other and to mutually enjoy each other both emotionally and physically.
     Although the words “sex” and “intercourse” are not used, clearly that is the intent.  As we’ve said, this particular book’s language is very poetic.  Some of it also seems to be very figurative using idioms and figures of speech with which we as Americans may not be accustomed.  For example, in the later part of chapter 3, verse 4, the bride’s allusions to her mother most likely are symbolic references to her own feminine sexuality — in other words, she's politely saying she didn't let her husband out of her sight until he had CS with her.  If that is the correct way to understand this verse, then the bride’s stated desire for her husband to be like her nursing infant brother in 8:1 is really figuratively stating what she wants her husband to do to her (a form of OS).  And the next verse (8:2) would then again be a reference to CS, but along with a colorful reference to what could very easily be understood as OS.  Considering that verse and some of the earlier-mentioned passages with their clear indications of touching and kissing, it seems to me that, generally speaking, God approves MS & OS in the marriage relationship.  

     In Ephesians 5:22-33, Paul provides some guidelines about marriage and explains the marriage relationship in comparison with the relationship between Christ and the church.  Briefly put, wives serve by respectfully submitting to their husbands, and husbands serve by lovingly leading their wives.  They are to nourish and to cherish each other as themselves.  These instructions apply to the marriage relationship in general, but also apply to the included SS-ual aspects.
     What if one or both spouses have some personal objection to OS on a particular instance or on a long-term basis?  For example, Leviticus chapter 15 did generally recommend avoiding SS during the woman’s menstrual discharge (a practical objection for obvious hygienic reasons), but did not forbid it.  As we’ve noted earlier, there is no explicit command or requirement for couples to engage in OS.  The instructions, simply put, are to avoid SS-ual immorality (i.e. outside the marriage) by SS-ually satisfying each other with physical affection.  Combining that with Paul’s instructions about marriage in general, we now understand that the SS-ual relations between a husband and wife should be submissive, serving, loving, nourishing, cherishing, and respecting.  If employed as a SS-ual option, OS hinders that goal, i.e. prevents cultivating these essential attitudes — then for the sake of the marriage, OS must be used less often and with more discretion, or perhaps not done at all.

     There is one circumstance where a couple would be sinning if they engaged in OS inside the marriage relationship — if one or both spouses violates their conscience to do it.  Throughout 1 Corinthians chapter 8, Paul discusses the dangers of violating one’s conscience.  He has a similar discussion in Romans chapter 14.  Note especially verses 1-3, 7, 12, and 19-23 of Romans 14.  Although the principles are presented using the example of eating meat offered to idols, they apply in any situation where an allowable action is questioned as being wrong.  
     Applying the principles in these two chapters to our discussion of marriage and OS, one thing is plainly clear.  Any time one spouse leads the other to violate his or her own conscience, then the second sins by doing what he or she thinks is wrong – and that’s bad enough, but the first sins both against the second and against Christ.  In that case, it is necessary for both man and woman to stop sinning and to practice expressing their physical affection in some other, but mutually acceptable-as-right, way.
     
• Summary:
     
     Generally speaking, it seems in the Scriptures that CS & MS is unquestionably ok between a husband and wife.  The New Testament commands for married couples to mutually demonstrate SS-ual and physical affection could easily allow for OS and AS.  And the one book in the Bible with a main theme of sexuality in marriage does have several poetic and figurative examples describing and/or pointing to CS, MS, and OS.
     The Lord has plainly instructed Christian couples to cultivate certain attitudes toward each partner in order to maintain healthy marriage.  Personal or practical objections to OS and/or AS could easily hinder doing this.  For this reason, many couples might chose to avoid OS and/or AS as they express their physical affections.
     Violation of conscience is one special reason why some particular couples must avoid OS and/or AS if they would not sin against themselves, their spouses, and Christ.

     ¹ EGW editor's note:  Throughout the Bible God gives numerous instructions about approved married life between man & woman and expresses several times His hatred for divorce.  Because he accepts only one excuse... fornication (Matthew 19:3-9; Mark 10:2-12) ... for divorce, and even then prefers to recommend reconciliation (1 Corinthians 7:10-12), He does not accept all post-divorce marriages as approvable.  While God is very expressive about how to live the married life, He is very silent about how to get married — in fact, I have yet to find in the Bible any instructions from God to people concerning their weddings to each other.  Therefore, it appears to me that God considers weddings as civil events with religious consequences. (back to place in article)